Once Upon A Christmas Party
by Fic Fairy
Summary: What if the sexual tension was always there, but it took mistletoe & a lot of Champagne to make it happen? A little visit to the squad room on Christmas Eve Eve where Elliot's making paper chains, Alex is stirring & Olivia? Olivia is in turmoil! R&R pls!
1. Chapter 1 Olivia

**Authors Notes - Firstly, for anyone who is being kind enough to read 'Coffee', a reassurance that the start of this is not the end of that. Its still very much a WIP and will continue shortly. This however is born of the fact that sometimes, just sometimes, a writer needs her OTP to get it on, and I couldn't let that happen in Coffee, certainly not at this point!**

**For anyone not familiar with Coffee, apologies for that over indulgent first paragraph. And now on to this one! I'd say its 'timeframed' only because of the characters involved, because really, its pretty much AU. Just a reminder that I'm a newbie and only up to season 3, so if I suck, I blame that!**

**Enough wibbling. Have some fic! Oooh and I love love love feedback!**

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**Once Upon A Christmas Party (working title)**

**By Fic Fairy**

We've never much gone in for Christmas parties at the Special Victims Unit. In other police departments, maybe, but generally we see enough Christmas party carnage with the he said / she said drink induced rape allegations and drugged secretaries in sparkly dresses turning up in dumpsters from other people's celebrations to bother with having our own.

This year though, for various reasons, and although I would live to, if not regret it, at least have some serious misgivings about how it had panned out, we thought we'd give it ago. We'd just put a dangerous perp away, Alex's boss had given her a bottle of Scotch for her trouble and one of the vic's families had dropped a crate of Champagne into the precinct. I felt the champagne was a step too far to be honest, the idea of toasting the death of 8 women didn't sit well with me, but hey, never look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.

We chose the evening before Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve Eve if you like. Frankly we could have held it on Christmas Eve itself, since we'd decided to hold it in the squad room and Munch, Fin and I were all down to work it, but Elliot was on family related duties on that night (something to do with the twins and a nativity or something) and as I'd argued, "It wouldn't be a party without Elliot."

If only I'd known then what I know now. I might have thought twice.

So we knocked off about 6, crossed our fingers that the perps of the city would try and behave themselves for one single solitary night and set about getting organised. By getting organised, I mean making paper chains. Yeah. You heard me right. Paper chains. Alex's doing as it happened. In all the time I'd worked with her little had I known that she was like the Stalin of Christmas parties and wasn't going to settle for anything as simple as us just knocking back the aforementioned alcohol and fucking like bunnies on the photocopier.

Really, actually, considering the way the evening panned out, I shouldn't even joke.

But anyway, Elliot and I were on paper chains. Fin on music, basically heading to back his apartment to get a portable stereo and a pile of compact discs by artists way too cool for the rest of us to know about. Munch and the Captain on a run to the liquor store and Alex was making snowflakes, you know, like the ones you made as a kid, circles of paper, folded up and snipped with scissors. Huang was picking pizza up on the way back from seeing a prisoner at Rikers and I have to admit that our ADA had everything under control.

The lady in question quickly used up every scrap of white paper in the squad room and went in search of more, leaving Elliot and I alone with our paper chains. Once I was sure she was gone, I looked up at him questioningly,

"What the hell are we doing here Eli?"

Eli was not something I usually called him, but recently it had been sneaking its way in. Just here and there, a gentle sprinkling in between the usual Stabler's and Elliot's. He'd looked at me oddly the first few times but pretty soon he got used to it, and no more was said.

He dropped his impressively long paper chain (and no that's not an innuendo) down on the desk and moved to the mini fridge we keep in one corner of the room, reaching out for it and pulling out two beers, one of which he brought over and put on my desk.

"We," he said, sitting back down, opening his beer and then tossing me the bottle opener, "are humouring Alex because she a) just won the Stevens case and b) she's really actually quite scary."

I grinned, putting my own chain to one side, pausing to flip the lid off of my bottle of Bud and swig from it . "Good point, well presented." Although actually, truth be known, I felt there was little excuse for a grown man sitting at a desk making endless linked loops out of old newspapers. I sat and watched him for a few moments, amused by how seriously he was actually taking the task. It was comical.

"You're a father of four." I commented, smirking at him, "And you're making paper chains because a blonde lady in a suit told you so. That's worrying. Anyway shouldn't you be at home doing 'family stuff'."

He shook his head, "No. That can wait until tomorrow night. Since Kathy thinks I'm working tonight she'll tolerate that."

I laughed then, as amused by the fact that he was lying to his wife as I was by his deference to Alex. "Jesus Elliot," I exclaimed, "is there any woman in your life that doesn't have you whipped?"

His turn to grin, "Only you Liv, and you know you only have to ask me nicely."

I opened my mouth to match his comment with one equally as salacious. I was good at flirting with Elliot. I mean, I'm good at flirting with most guys I guess - it comes of spending so much time around them at work, but I'm especially good with Elliot. It just comes so naturally. That said, on this occasion I was beaten to it by Alex who came in shrieking happily.

"Look what I found the Vice boys room."

We turned to see her stood in the doorway, clutching a bunch of mistletoe in her hand. Elliot groaned, "God Alex, no. Here I draw the line. It'll only end badly with Munch trying to slip Olivia the tongue in order to convince her to be wife number 5. Take it away."

To be honest, even at that point, not knowing what I now do, it wasn't Munch I was worried about. It was almost like I could sense it instinctively. Because of the 'Eli', the innuendo, the fact that after one glass of champagne I have a habit of being anyone's, let alone what I'd do after 1/7 of a case. Plus Scotch. Taking all that into account, the extra addition of the mistletoe seemed to be asking for trouble.

Not that there was any point in arguing.

"Mistletoe is essential." Alex argued, already dragging a chair over to the doorway to the Captain's office and affixing the plant life to the top of the frame, "You can't have a Christmas party without mistletoe. Where's the fun without the mistletoe?"

Elliot looked up from his paper chains, reaching for his beer and eyeing her sceptically, "Where's the fun when colleague A kisses colleague B, it get gets out of hand and next thing B is calling us to file a rape charge?

Alex pulled a face, "Don't be so lame. Its just a decoration. I mean I'm not about to get hot and heavy with Cragen, Finn or Munch. And I don't see them getting hot and heavy with each other so where's the issue?"

I chipped in then, intrigued as to why Alex had been so quick to leave one of our colleagues off of her list, "What about Huang?"

She snorted, "The only thing that interests me about Huang is whether he's going to turn up on time with the pizzas. You know what he's like when he's with a perp, we'll be lucky if he turns up before New Years Eve."

She sounded convincing, but she's a lawyer and that's her job. Besides which, the flush of red that appeared on her cheeks kind of gave her away. 'Just a decoration'? I think not. Still, before I could call her out on it she decided to drop a bombshell on us, "Anyway, its not for me. Its for you, and…" she nodded in Elliot's direction, "… him."

There was an awkward silence as Elliot and I just looked at each other. Its one thing us joking between the two of us about such things but it tends to feel uncomfortable when other people go down that route, even if they've just seen us together and leapt to the conclusion that we're an item. Elliot handles it better than I do usually, but I suppose that's a little bit of a guilty conscience on my part, what with him being a married man and all.

Yeah. Do feel free to remind me I said that later on in the story.

As ever, it was Elliot who dealt with it, while I just sat there looking awkward. He pitched it right actually, rolling his eyes at Alex playfully, diffusing the tension as he did so, "Oh come on Alex, I'm a married man. And like the sexy and sophisticated Miss Benson would ever look twice at me. I should be so lucky, hey Liv?"

I didn't respond, just laughed slightly, finding my paper chains even more interesting than ever. Sure, he'd pitched it right, but there was something about him calling me sexy and sophisticated that I knew was causing me to blush a shade of red to rival Alex's which had given her away to me before. I didn't want to run the risk of the situation being reversed.

I needed have worried. Alex was otherwise engaged anyway, hopping down from the char and going over to Elliot, arms folded, stern expression on her face, gestures I had seen her use to excellent effect with difficult witnesses a hundred and one times in court.

"What goes on at the Christmas party, stays at the Christmas party." She said to him, apparently justifying any suggestion of his betraying his wife, before merrily ploughing on to the question of me and my level of interest, "And as for your sexy partner, I'm sure the thought has crossed her mind, especially taking into account," she paused, building up the tension before her 'big reveal' - another trick straight out of the court room, "the Barney's bag she has under desk." I felt my heart plummet, and the blush get a little bit worse as she leant in towards Elliot and spoke softly - although loudly enough for me to hear - and suggestively, "Its got a very very sexy red dress in for her to wear tonight. I very much doubt that's for Munch and Fin, don't you?" She stood up straight again, and grinned at me, obviously thinking I approved wholeheartedly of her little stunt, "And the prosecution rests."

I could have killed her. Really I could. Except she didn't give me chance, turning on heel and heading towards the door,

"I'm off to chambers to get ready. See you in half an hour…"

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	2. Chapter 2 Elliot

**Authors Notes - Thank you for the reviews guys. Glad you like it so far. More to come very soon! :D **

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I really felt for Olivia when Alex came out with what she did. There are certain topics of conversation that are completely off limits in the squad room, and Liv and I's relationship, if you can call it that, is one of them. Munch did try and engage me on it once, when she came in one morning looking particularly foxy, but I cut him dead. Its just too awkward to be discussed in an open forum, particularly since I'm not even sure we really understand it ourselves. Its kinda complicated.

No. It _was_ kinda complicated. Now it _is_ complicated. Very complicated. But still, I'm getting ahead of myself.

So yeah, in the moments after Alex left the room I was conflicted. Olivia was sat there looking like she wanted the ground to open and swallow her up, and I was torn as whether to let the conversation go without comment, turn on my funny guy charm to diffuse the moment or to hit the girl with some sympathy and TLC. It was a tough call 'cause Olivia can be one tricky cookie, especially when she feels she's under attack so to speak, and I was only going to have one shot at it so I had to get it right. Eventually I decided to go for the 'funny'. Too much had been said to just ignore it, and as for the sympathy, she'd bought a dress, no one had died. I glanced over at her and smiled. That smile I reserve for dealing with difficult Olivia moments. The slightly goofy one.

"So Cinders, you gonna go and wave a magic wand over yourself?"

It worked. She smiled. Stopped blushing. "Shut up!" She got to her feet, picking her paper chains up from the desk and heading over to the far corner of the squad room where she began to put them up. Once her work was underway, she glanced over at me and offered me an explanation regarding the dress.

"I was out with Alex yesterday lunchtime. She insisted I pick up something to wear tonight, and you know what she's been like over this party. Would you have said no to her?"

I chuckled, amused by her reasoning, not to mention her question, "I might have done if she'd been asking me to wear a dress."

I'd done a pretty good job on getting things back on an even keel and actually I probably should have kept my mouth shut at that point, but really, hindsight it a wonderful, wonderful thing.

"Go and put the dress on."

I know. If you've got unresolved sexual tension with your partner - and boy, did Olivia and I have unresolved sexual tension at that point - then asking to see her in - quote Alex - a "very very sexy red dress" in probably asking for trouble. But you know what they say. Curiosity killed the cat and all that.

"No." Olivia shook her head, "Its too much. We're having pizza in the squad room, not smoked salmon and caviar in the ballroom at the Four Seasons. I only bought it to shut Alex up, and I'm taking it back to get a refund tomorrow. It cost nearly a months salary."

Again, I should have stopped it there, but I rarely do what's good and sensible for me, especially which Liv is concerned. Besides which my curiosity was truly piqued at that point. I got up from my desk and moved to her side, taking her by the hand and gently pulling her down from the chair she was standing on to put up the chains she'd made. "Go and put the dress on. I want to see what a months salary looks like in material terms."

Olivia looked at me, hesitating, looking uncomfortable all over again. I wondered if it was purely because she really genuinely wanted to take the dress back or whether there was more to it, but I didn't have to wonder for long as she quickly confirmed that there was.

"I look incredibly hot in it." She said softly. I knew what she meant by that. She meant that I would think she looked hot in it. She meant that it would make a complicated situation worse.

She wasn't wrong there.

Still, I wasn't about to pass up the opportunity.

"I'm sure you do." I said, playfully, "I bet you look incredibly modest in it too."

"Eli," she said, pleading with me now, "you know what I'm saying." And of course I did, and I appreciated the fact that she was trying to protect me from my own mad crazy loins but the mad crazy loins were more in control than I was at that point.

"I do." I glanced down at her hand, which for no obvious reason remained wrapped neatly in mind, "But I'll take my chances. You're not that cute." I took the decorations from her hands, "I'll finish here. Go and get ready before Corporal Cabot comes back and orders you to."

She looked utterly torn, but slowly she made her way over to her desk and picked up the Barney's back before turning back to me, a questioning expression on her face, "Are you sure?"

I nodded slowly. I wasn't sure really, with good reason it would transpire, but it was too late to back out now.

"Go on Cinders, before I turn back into a pumpkin…"

I finished the paper chains hastily, festooning them from one side of the squad room to the other. The finished effect was a bit one sided with paper chain clumps in places but of all the things I do remember about the rest of the evening, Alex complaining about them was not one of them so they can't have been that bad. My work done I sat at my desk, looking over to Olivia's empty one, and wondering how the transformation was going in the locker room. I don't know what was more of a turn on, the thought of the aforementioned dress or the thought that at that second she might not have got as far as putting it on.

The very thought shows I was looking for trouble from the get go. And I got it. Big time.

As I was thinking said same thought the framed photo of my wife, which sat permanently on my desk and who, if I was honest, I spent more hours with than Kathy herself, seemed to be looking at me with a significant amount of disapproval, although it could have just been my guilty conscience getting me where it hurt. I sighed, and then without another thought picked the frame up and put it face down on the desk so she couldn't be disapproving of me any longer.

I must sound like a complete bastard, a cad of the worst kind, but what you have to understand about Liv and I is that it had been an ongoing, ever growing problem, from the very first second we met. Love at first sight is not an idea I buy in to easily, but from our very first encounter I knew that somewhere along the line, Olivia Benson would have a serious impact on my life.

And now it sounds like I'm trying to justify what came later by playing the romance card, which is also a fairly lame excuse, but I just need you see that what happened, that night, at the party. It wasn't a spare of the moment thing. I didn't shaft my wife for a sordid, the-time-is-now, insignificant fuck. I've been fighting to resist Liv for a long, long time.

Anyway, enough of the petty justification, I'm in the middle of a story here.

I'd just finished my beer, when the door opened and the Captain and Munch walked in, each carrying a box of beers. We certainly weren't likely to run low in the liquor stakes that evening, which looking back probably didn't help the delicate situation. Cragen put his box down and then looked round the room fearfully,

"Where's the party Nazi?"

I grinned. Clearly I was not the only one who found Alex not just scary but downright terrifying. "She's getting ready back at chambers." I explained, "Apparently someone made tonight a black tie event and forgot to inform us."

"Not me." Munch chirped up, and I realised that as well as the beer he had a suit cover slung over one arm. "I picked my wedding suit up from the dry cleaning place next to the liquor store."

I raised my eyes at him, "Wedding suit? You used the same one each time?"

He nodded, "Sure. It ensured the big days were cheap, even if the divorces bled me dry. Clever huh?" He disappeared then, off to get ready presumably, and the Captain excused himself to his office to tie up some final loose ends before the fun started, leaving me with nothing else to do but open another beer and answer my desk phone when it started to ring.

"Elliot."

Kathy. And she sounded, well, pissed. Angry pissed, not the good kind.

"Is everything ok?"

"Ok? Ok?" The second ok was infinitely higher pitched than the first, which was not a good sign, not a good sign in the slightest. I opened my mouth to enquire further but didn't get chance before she cut me off, "No Elliot, everything is not ok. The butcher mixed up the order and we've got turkey not a goose, which as you can imagine has gone down like a lump of lead with your mother."

Oh yeah, did I mention that bit? While I was flirting with my attractive young partner and apparently working my way through a brew house full of drink, my wife was going to be entertaining my mother for the evening, not exactly the ideal scenario since the two had been driving each other mad since mom had arrived in town for Christmas the day before.

"Maureen," she continued, "has just got in from Jenna's and vomited eggnog all over the floor. I mean God knows what her mother was thinking serving drinks to minors at 5 in the evening. How irresponsible is that? I mean really. And now, now, Kathleen has announced Christmas will be ruined if she doesn't get a pair of straightners . You tell me Elliot, when I meant to get out and buy those between now and Christmas morning. When exactly?"

On reflection, I think that was my cue to offer to go out to the shops and buy some straightners. At the time however, I kind of missed it. Not intentionally, not purposefully, but most likely if I'm honest as a result of a certain young lady walking back into the squad room.

She hadn't been wrong about looking incredibly hot.

"Wow." The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it, and leapt on by Kathy before I'd even realised what I'd said.

"Wow what Elliot?" The tone of her voice lead me to believe pretty conclusively that the truth wasn't the way to go, and that some pretty nifty thinking on my feet was needed.

"Wow. You're having such a bad day. I wish there was something I could do to help." I muttered, hoping that the statement would gain some sincerity as it travelled down the phone line. "But I'm snowed under here. Erm, look don't worry about mom, she'll get over the goose. And tell Maureen I'll deal with her after the holidays. And maybe… maybe…" I was flailing, too enraptured by the scarlet clad siren in front of me to concentrate on matters domestic, "… we… we…" I forced my gaze from Olivia, desperately trying to get a grip, "we'll sort the straightners tomorrow ok. I'll pop out. Don't worry. Look honey, I've got to go. Cragen's waiting to talk to me. See you later. Bye."

I hung up the phone before she could respond, and turned my gaze with more speed than was decent back to Olivia who was stood in front of me looking shy, awkward, and hot as hell.

Again, there was only one possible response.

"Wow!"

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	3. Chapter 3 Olivia

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I won't pretend that Elliot's response to my appearance in the squad room didn't give me a warm fuzzy feeling, because it did. Undeniably. There's not a woman in the world who wouldn't appreciate having a man say wow when she walks into a room, particularly a man who she happened to be really rather fond of.

"Really rather fond of" - what a polite way of putting it. Something of an understatement I think.

So yes, I liked the wow. Loved the wow infact. I was also pretty taken with the way he was looking at me. It was like he could quite happily have devoured me whole. That said there was an element of guilt there, particularly since I knew he was talking to his wife at the time.

When he hung up the phone and came out with the second wow, I blushed, I know I did, I just couldn't help myself. I glanced round at Cragen's office, hoping like hell that he wasn't paying an attention to the two of us. He's pretty tolerant of our chemistry, but I think that's mainly because he never really thought we'd act on it. I suspect that he wouldn't be quite so patient and tolerant now if he knew the truth. Luckily, he was on the phone, otherwise engaged, so at that moment we were free to say what we liked.

I turned my attention back to Elliot, "Well this is one months salary. Hope you think its worth it."

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his cheque book, a playful look on his face, then turned to the first blank cheque and picked up a pen. He looked up at me expectantly, "What's a lady cop make these days? I'll pay for it myself."

"Idiot. I reckon you've had too much of that." I nodded in the direction of the one empty, and one half empty beer bottles on his desk, "You'll be attempting to fuck Munch next."

"Anything to stop him fucking you."

"Jealous Stabler?"

Our eyes met then, and instantly we stopped bantering. It was almost though we were both programmed to know when the flirtation was getting out of hand, with our limits nearly almost always being in identical places. Although, on this occasion, as I stepped away from Elliot and moved over to get myself another beer, I couldn't miss the words he mumbled under his breath.

"Jealous as hell Benson. Jealous as hell."

I thought about pulling him up on it but truth be known I didn't really fancy doing so. It was Christmas. It was a party. If we couldn't flirt at one of those then when could we? Luckily, I was saved from having to make a choice by Alex and Fin coming into the room. Fin carrying a ghetto blaster and Alex dressed in a dress that… well… I'll leave it to Fin to tell you…

"Hey, look, I found a Christmas fairy outside. She must have escaped from someone's tree."

I laughed, looking Alex's interesting white and sparkly tulle ensemble up and down, although watching Elliot out of the corner of my eye as I gave her my verdict, "Wow."

He blushed. I actually made my partner blush. It sure as hell made a change from him doing it to me.

Alex meanwhile beamed at me, "Thanks Olivia. You're looking pretty fabulous yourself." Predictably, she turned to Elliot, "What do you reckon? Is your partner top of the hots or what?"

Elliot mouthed, "Top of the hots?" at me, a perplexed expression on his face, and I shrugged in response, going over to Alex and taking her by the arm, dragging her over to where the champagne was sat in ice buckets and where we'd be out of earshot of everyone else.

I picked up one of the bottles and started to open it, using that as a cover for the actual reason I'd wanted her on that side of the room.

"Will you drop it?" I glared at her. Furiously. Because furious was pretty much how I felt about it at that point.

She smiled angelically, "Nope. I endured 3 hours of you drunkenly telling me the other week how much you love your partner and now I'm doing something about it."

You see this is where you discover that actually, really, the whole party was my fault. I didn't want to admit myself until that point, but in truth, I'd known it was all along. It all came down to the fact that a couple of weeks previously, Alex and I had been out for a drink after work. And you know what its like, one drink quickly becomes two, two becomes three and so on and so forth until you end up three sheets to the wind behaving in a manner inappropriate for a human being; in this particular case, owing not only to the alcohol but a hefty dose of PMT, I burst into tears after drink four and found myself confiding in Alex the thing I've never really told anyone.

I like Elliot. I really like Elliot. Like 'that'.

Obviously Alex had taken that a cue to start matchmaking, via a ludicrous Christmas party that had been serious trouble from the get go. It was pointless, hideously pointless infact, for reasons I was quick to share with her.

"Alex," I tried to be stern, although it is hard being stern with a fairy, "I might have been drunk, but I remember what I said. I wish I didn't, but I do." That was true enough. I'd nearly died when I'd woken up the next morning and been hit with the crashing realisation that I'd laid my feelings on the line so seriously. "It wouldn't matter," I lowered my voice further still, "if Elliot spent the entire party screwing me in Cragen's office. It wouldn't be enough. And it would make it so much worse."

Alex wrinkled her nose, taking the newly opened champagne bottle from me and drinking from, "Olivia. Your romantic sensibilities make me want to vomit."

I shrugged, stealing the bottle back and knocking it back myself, "Tough. I can't help the way I feel. So drop it."

"Drop what?" I felt an arm drape itself around my shoulder and turned to see Elliot standing there, looking at me questioningly. I rolled my eyes, since I was pretty sure he knew exactly what we were talking about and just shook my head despairingly. He smiled, "Ah. I see." He turned to Alex, "Cabot. Drop it. Please."

Alex flounced off in the direction of Cragen's office, presumably to stop him working, although not before she'd swiped the champagne again. I looked at Elliot and smiled, "Thanks partner."

He leaned forward, and without warning, gently kissed my cheek, "Anytime partner."

It may have just been a cheek kiss, but actually, I think it was the turning point, the warm up for what came later.

Why?

Because that was the first time Elliot Stabler kissed me.

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The party got underway properly soon after that. Fin cranked up his tunes, and although as predicted none of us recognised any of them we didn't let on to him for fear of being considered uncool, and Alex ensured that the alcohol was flowing continually. Particularly, I noticed, and in spite of our pleas, in Elliot and I's directions. I love Alex dearly, but it was blatantly obvious that she wasn't going to let go that easily, using drink as her weapon of choice.

And so, ok, she didn't pour it down our throats, and she didn't force us, and we could have said no. Saying no would have been the wise thing to do. But, as with my earlier justification for our flirting, it was a party. You're meant to drink at parties. So drink we did.

The result was, by the time Huang arrived with the pizzas, later than planned as Alex had predicated although not as late as New Years Eve, Elliot and I were definitely what I would describe as 'merry', which is why my memories from this point in are really rather… well… fuzzy.

There was dancing, that I remember. Not just Elliot and I but everyone, except Huang who was of course still stone cold sober and Alex who in spite of her earlier protestations of innocence seemed to be sticking to our pet psychologist like glue, and, although I can't say for sure, I suspect plying him with drink in the same way she'd done with Elliot and I. Munch was a pretty impressive dancer, ditto Fin, but Cragen was less so, more drunken uncle at a wedding than anyone else.

If it felt odd to be letting our hair down with the colleagues we usually worked with so seriously, I don't remember it, but then I suppose the alcohol helped with that, as indeed it helped with many things that night. We were just having a ball, really enjoying each others company.

Especially Elliot and I. You never saw that one coming did you?

I failed to describe Elliot's dancing in my analysis of the talent on display, because to be fair it would have been impossible to judge him independently since most of his moves seemed to be taking place alongside me. I don't think either one of us knew how to dance to Fin's music really, but we made the most of it, spinning around each other playfully, and introducing various parts salsa, jive and disco.

I'm so glad there's no video evidence.

Even through my drunkenness I was terrified Cragen would notice our closeness and have something to say about it but I can only assume he was too busy doing the drunken uncle bit to care, plus, after a while, as Alex's plan apparently came to fruition, we suddenly found ourselves with competition as she and Huang made their way onto the makeshift dance floor we'd cleared in the middle of the room, and the whole thing became some crazy dance off.

So the dancing happened, the drink continued flowing, and somewhere along the way both Elliot and I got very very drunk. Which I guess is why Alex's final stunt of the evening was allowed to unfold as it did.

We were still dancing away when suddenly there was a break in the music and when it started again, the track was very obviously not one of Fin's, being as it was Lady In Red by Chris de Burgh. I turned my attention from Elliot a second, looking over towards the ghetto blaster and finding Alex stood there with an impish look on her face, CD case in hand. I waited for Fin to protest and when he didn't I glanced round the room to find him asleep with his head on the desk. It only took seeing Munch at his desk doing likewise, and Cragen asleep on the sofa that sits at the far end of the squad room to realise that Alex was in the middle of a serious stitch up.

I glanced down at my dress, shaking my head at her unsubtle choice of song and glared at her across the room, "Alex…"

If she spotted the threatening note in my voice she ignored it, instead going over to Huang, and taking him by the hand before approaching me, "We're going to hit the road. You two enjoy eh?" She kissed my cheek, and then, although walking slightly unsteadily, the pair were gone.

I turned to Elliot, all ready to start ranting, drunk, but not drunk enough to think slow dancing him was appropriate but I didn't get chance because before I knew what was happening, I was in his arms, swaying in time to the music. I looked at him questioningly and he just shrugged,

"Alex has gone to so much trouble, it would be a shame to waste it. And," he added, as I felt one of his hands slide onto my ass, "its only dancing."

Only dancing. Famous last words.

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	4. Chapter 4 Elliot

**Authors Notes - Ooops! Someone has pointed out two very uncanon errors in this story. One was an oversight on my part so sorry about that, the other I blame on the fact that I didn't actually know about it! The first one I'm going to let go because its too late to change it, but the second will be resolved in the next chapter! Regardless of all this, thanks for the feedback!**

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Drunk as I as, I wasn't complete moron. There was no way in hell Liv and I were going to draw the line at dancing, I knew that even as I said it. But even though I knew that, I didn't do anything to stop it. She looked way too hot and felt way too good into my arms for me to want to. And yeah, I thought about Kathy, felt bad about her, but, I'd been drinking, and this had been coming for a long time. So I rode the tiger. Let it happen.

In actual fact it didn't unfold as quickly as I thought it might. Liv settled for dancing, for having me hold her. She told me later, in the middle of a row, that actually, that had been her favourite part. The holding bit. I took it as a slur against my sexual prowess at the time, took it as an accusation that my performance had been under par. But actually, I see it now. She, like I, had waited for what felt like forever for us to be together, and at that moment, we finally were, and on paper, we hadn't done a thing wrong.

That said, we didn't leave it at 'holding' any more than we left it at 'dancing', and as I cuddled her closer, feeling her body moving against mine, I was already looking at the mistletoe hanging in the doorway to Cragen's office and wondering how I could subtly move Liv over to it to make the move that I knew I was desperate to make.

Distraction, I decided, was the key. And so I started to sing the song lyrics, out of both time and tune with the actual song. Olivia giggled, a girlish giggle of pure joy, which on any other occasion might have seemed incongruous coming from her, but at that moment was absolutely perfect. I took that as my cue to carry on, my singing becoming ever worse as I slowly backed her up towards the mistletoe.

I was almost there, just inches away, when the track came to the end and Olivia looked round, smiling as she saw where I'd moved her to.

"You didn't have to sing to me." She said softly, cuddling me closer, "If you'd just have asked me, I'd have walked here on my own." She turned the tables, pulling me under the mistletoe, looking up at me with her big wide eyes, looking so utterly beautiful, "Kiss me El."

My heart was hammering, as I suddenly found myself feeling nervous. We'd waited so long for it. Tiptoed around it for so long. I couldn't bear the thought of either of us being disappointed.

I needn't have worried. I knew from the first second my lips brushed against hers that it was going to be one of 'those' kisses. One of the memorable ones. I think Liv felt it too, because she was whimpering long before my tongue slipped between her lips and started to explore. She tasted of champagne, and… pizza topping, not a combination I'd ever considered romantic but in that moment the taste was the sexiest thing in the world. Our tongues quickly became entwined, and that was the moment where I think we were both well and truly sunk, and things began to get seriously out of control.

I guided her backwards again, kicking Cragen's office door shut and then sweeping his desk clear in a horribly clichéd move and pushing her down onto it. She hit the deck, looking up at me, her eyes dark pools of arousal, a questioning look on her face, "Are we doing this?"

Like it was even up for debate.

Foreplay didn't come into the equation for a second. We didn't need foreplay. Years of working together, years of unexplored sexual tension, they were all we needed. As I pushed her floor length dress above her knees, revealing a pair of lace French knickers in a matching shade of red underneath, I had never been harder in my life. I reached down to unbuckle my trousers, only to find my hands were shaking too much to do so. Seeing my predicament Liv leaned forward, doing the job for me, taking my pants and boxers down in one hit. She leant forward further still, her mouth at the ready, but I pushed her back, there was just no way… I wouldn't have lasted another minute. Besides which…

"I need to be inside you Liv."

She nodded her consent, slipping down her underwear, although she'd barely got it past her thighs when I thrust into her, groaning as I did so. She felt so good; after 15 years of sleeping with a woman who had given birth I'd forgotten how amazing it was to be with one who hadn't. It was unbelievable.

Liv was unbelievable.

I'd imagined so many times how she'd be in bed. Forceful, feisty, passionate. And yeah, we weren't in bed, but she was all of the above and so much more.

The earth moved. Big time.

Then, the awkward part came. No puns intended. Actually, that part of it, the cumming part, went rather well. In complete unison, clinging to each other, crying out so loudly that I feared the rest of the team would be woken. So no, it didn't get awkward until after that.

I was still inside her, holding her, planting gentle kisses in her hair. It was a bit of a contrast to our fast and furious fuck but necessary. Very necessary as it happens, because that was the moment when Olivia started to cry. Now that was a bad thing because Olivia never cries. Well, never in front of me anyway. I've seen her close to it but she tends to storm off and thump things before it happens, and I've seen her after it. But never during.

"Liv," I asked cautiously, "are you ok?"

She pushed me off of her, getting to her feet, and adjusting her clothes, before walking out of the room in a particularly unsteady and untaught way. Fucking marvellous. I made some adjustments to my own clothes and waited a moment, waiting to see if she was coming back and getting slightly worried that I was about to become the victim of one of the he said, she said Christmas party rape debates that had made me so wary of Christmas parties in the first place.

Just as I was just trying to decide who to retain as my defence lawyer, she returned with the expensive bottle of scotch Alex had been given by the DA that had prompted the whole party to begin with, plus a couple of plastic cups. She threw herself down on Cragen's sofa and looked at me questioningly.

"Drink?"

I nodded, not thinking that really I had much of an option. She sloshed out two hefty measures that in truth neither of us needed and handed one to me as I sat down beside her, desperately wracking my brains in search of a way in.

As earlier that evening, I considered a joke, or something tactful, or something else entirely. In the end, I reached for her hand, taking it in mine. "That was nice."

Yeah. I know. 'Nice' is pretty weak. It was also a massively huge understatement. But I didn't want to make too much of it because I didn't know how she was feeling.

She looked at me, suddenly apparently very shy and awkward and un-Olivia-like.

"It was really nice." Her eyes filled with tears again and I reached out to wipe one away as it snaked down her face. "I really liked it Elliot."

"Well good." I smiled, "Glad to hear it. So why the tears?" I asked hesitantly, in truth not entirely sure I wanted to know.

She shrugged, blushing madly, "Just pissed I guess."

After the fact, I would realise that it was a lame explanation on her part and that actually there way more going on than she was letting on. But at the time, given the fact that I was somewhere between half pissed and completely pissed, and completely exhausted from the dancing and the sex, I was more than happy to accept it as gospel. I reached out, wrapped my arm around her shoulder, "Silly girl." I pulled her around slightly so I could press my lips against hers again, more than happy to indulge now that I was convinced she wasn't about to have me thrown in Rikers. She responded, slowly, tenderly. The kind of long luxurious kiss I'd been dreaming of sharing with her for a long time.

When we parted, I stroked her cheek, "We finally did it."

She nodded, smiling slightly, although looking back the smile didn't get as far as her eyes.

"We gonna do it again?" I don't know where the question came from, probably the fact that even as I was kissing her I'd found myself getting hard all over again. Which was pretty impressive given the lack of time that had passed.

Again, she smiled, again, weakly, "Lets talk about it tomorrow Eli, when you're sober."

I nodded, "Sure. I'll call you." I glanced out into the squad room where Munch appeared to be stirring, "You want a share a cab home?"

She shook her head. "No thanks." I looked at her questioningly and she explained. "I'm going to look over some case notes. Burn the midnight oil." I should have seen then that we were heading for trouble, given that minutes before she hadn't been able to walk in a straight line which assumingly would have put pay to reading and writing in a straight line too. But at that point, the tiredness kicked in even more so, and so I took her words at face value.

"Ok then." I kissed her once more and then got to my feet, "Don't work too hard eh? I'll see you after Christmas."

She nodded, "Have a good one. And tell Kathy and the kids I said Happy Holidays."

It was so polite, so amicable that I never would have thought that we had a problem.

But, as I was later to discover. We did.


	5. Chapter 5 Olivia

**Authors Note - Here I finally address one of those major non canon issues that crept in earlier in the story, and also give you a hefty sized clue as to where this story might be going! Enjoy!**

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Did I regret it the following morning? Yeah, pretty much so. Banging head, resounding urge to vomit, the knowledge that I'd screwed my partner. A married man. A married man I'd been in love with for as long as I could remember. I think it's safe to say I regretted it.

I hadn't made it home, instead spending the night in the squad room crib, still in the dress, too drunk and exhausted even to crawl under the covers, and so, when I woke up not only was I hungover to hell I was also cold, miserable and had a crick in my neck from spending the night on a mattress that was akin to a sanitary towel.

No. Scrap that. A sanitary towel would have been more comfortable.

Happy Christmas Eve to me.

I went to the squad room, still cursing my own idiot like behaviour from the night before, and put on a fresh pot of coffee. The room was empty, so I presumed somewhere along the line all the boys had made their way home. With the coffee brewing I headed to the locker room, showered, changed and attempted to make myself look presentable. The dress, the extremely expensive dress that I'd never really wanted in the first place, went in the trash since I knew I'd never be able to wear it again, not without provoking memories of a night, of an act, of kisses and of touches that I wanted to forget.

By the time I got back to the squad room, Huang was there, looking, to all intents and purposes worse than I did. I looked at him sceptically,

"Its not even 7? Why are you here?" I asked, wondering if his departure with Alex the previous evening could possibly be a contributing factor.

He didn't give it up straight away though, just feeding me some kind of line about needing to tie up loose ends before the holidays. It was only when I'd poured a coffee and sat at my desk to start work that he gave me the opening I needed.

"Wild night last night eh?"

I nodded slowly. Wild night was right; wild night with particularly wild sex. I groaned inwardly; wild sex that I wasn't meant to be thinking about or dwelling on. I dragged my thoughts away from Elliot back to Huang and Alex, and decided to come straight to the point. "Did you sleep with Alex?"

His turn to nod slowly, looking, I thought, almost as mortified and completely willing to kill himself as I currently felt. I was almost feeling sorry for him until he turned the question round on me,

"Did you sleep with Elliot?"

I didn't look at him as I answered, knowing that he, like everyone else, would consider me to be a cheap home wrecker. And that they'd be right. "Yeah."

"What's the problem?" Huang asked, and actually, he sounded genuine, like he was missing the point that sleeping with my married partner was not only completely unacceptable behaviour and also a waste of time. It wasn't like he was about to leave his wife for me. I finally looked up at him again, and smiled weakly, "He's married George. At least you don't have that problem with Alex. At least she's footloose and fancy free." "Olivia. I'm gay."

In spite of the fact that I was feeling as miserable as sin, I couldn't help laughing. In the great post Christmas party game of "my life is worse than your life" I did believe George Huang had just pulled out a masterstroke.

I looked at him curiously, "And so you slept with Alex why?"

He shrugged miserably, "I was so drunk by the time we left I'd have slept with a goat. She was pouring me lethal measures."

"Tell me about it." I snorted, remembering the way my glass had been refilled every time I turned my attention away from it for a second or less, "She was doing the same with Elliot and I. And look on the bright side, at least there's no chance of you getting pregnant."

He held me in one of his serious, most shrink like of glares as even with a hangover he pieced together exactly what I was saying and then started to tut disapprovingly.

"Olivia." He said, with a stern sigh that made me feel like a kid in the high school principal's office, "What were you thinking? Did you want to get pregnant was that it? Did you want something of Elliot's to take away from the encounter?"

I glared back at him, the combination of my lousy mood and my even worse hangover meaning that I was close to hitting him, "Don't try and shrink me Huang. I'm not in the mood. Besides," I added, remembering that denial is always a good idea in any situation, "you're way off the mark. I was drunk, so was he. Contraception just didn't come into the equation."

"Well it should." He got to his feet, whipping his prescription pad out of his pocket, and scrawling on it as he walked over to me, "I shouldn't really do this, but its got to be preferable to the alternative." He ripped the top sheet off of the pad, and passed it to me, leaving me to read the medication's name and reach the logical conclusion.

"The morning after pill?"

He nodded, "One pill today, and another in 24 hours. You'll be vomiting up your Christmas lunch but, like I said, its better than the alternative."

I shoved the prescription in my jacket pocket, and smiled at him, appreciating the gesture, "Thanks George. You're a pal. So," I added, thinking that he'd helped me out and so the least I could do would be to return the favour, "what are you going to do about Alex?"

He shrugged, "Tell her the truth I suppose." I grinned again, again in spite of my own lousy miserable set of circumstances. The thought of our little Christmas Fairy finding out that the objection of her Christmas party affections was gay was just too hilarious for words. That was one conversation I really wanted to be a fly on the wall for.

That said, Huang was quick to bring me out of my sudden jovial mood with a bang, as once again he turned my own question back round at me,

"What will you do? About Elliot?"

My turn to shrug, "What can I do? Forget all about it I guess."

If only it had been that easy.

xxx

Elliot turned up in the squad room later that afternoon. There wasn't a lot going on at the time. Munch, Fin and I were all working quietly, knowing that noise would only aggravate our various vile hangovers, Cragen was in his office, and Huang had gone (not, presumably, back to Alex's). All was calm, all was quiet. Or at least it was, until Elliot arrived.

He had a couple of gift bags in one hand, and a tray of Starbucks red cups in the other. He breezed in, apparently - the bastard - hangover-less, and sauntered round the squad room distributing eggnog cappuccinos to the boys before finally coming to my desk and placing his last cup down with flourish, and a winning smile,

"And for the lady. A gingerbread latte. Because I wouldn't dare show up with anything else." He crouched down beside me and I could only watch with horror as he zoomed in, planting a kiss on my cheek, "Merry Christmas Livvy."

I got to my feet, picking up the gingerbread latte, because emotional crisis or not, some drinks are just too good to be left, and dragged him into the direction of the bunk room, although not before I heard the exchange between Munch and Fin as we left,

"Repeat performance?"

"Gotta be."

"Lucky boy."

Great. Apparently I wasn't the only one Elliot had screwed the night before, he'd done likewise to my reputation too. In the bunk room, I glared at him, trying to keep my cool although failing miserably, "Elliot! What the hell was that?"

Of course I instantly felt like a bitch, seeing his confused little face, which proved he had no clue what he'd done wrong, and was clearly an indicator that he was trying to work out since when bringing your partner a gingerbread latte was a crime. I sat down on the edge of one of the bunks, wanting to help him out a little, "The kiss Elliot?"

He looked slightly guilty, but only slightly, and his answer didn't do much to convince me of his innocence, "It was a Christmas kiss, for my partner, on Christmas Eve."

"Oh so you do know its Christmas Eve then?" I replied, more gently, but still chiding him slightly, "And that you're meant to be at home with your wife?"

He nodded, "Yeah, of course. I just wanted to drop this into you." He handed me one of the gift bags, the smaller of the two, and much as I wanted to resist the temptation, how could I? I mean I'm a girl, and this was a sparkly gift bag, with a beautifully tied red satin ribbon, and filled with starry red and gold tissue paper and holding a little black velvet box containing…

"Fuck." I looked up at Elliot, then back down at the beautiful silver bracelet, and then back up at him again, "Fuck Elliot. What the fuck is this? Payment for services rendered?"

I know. I know it was harsh and looking back on that afternoon I always cringe when I remember those words, that accusation. But you have to understand Elliot and I had never done gifts, not on that scale. We bought fun stuff, sentimental stuff, but stuff that cost a few dollars not… well not like the bracelet. So that was why I leapt to that conclusion, and that was why I acted like a complete bitch.

To be honest though, Elliot handled it exceptionally well, and with more dignity that I was dealing with the whole situation with. He just looked at me, smiled and then put me in my place with six words.

"Actually, I brought it last week." Then he added, "I wanted to get you something special. You've had a tough year."

That shut me up. Rapidly. And caused me to apologise equally as rapidly.

Again, he was a gentleman, accepting my apology graciously. Although that didn't mean he was going to let the subject drop.

"Are we ok Liv?" He asked gently. Tenderly. All the things that I really didn't need him to be at that moment. "Are you ok? About last night? I mean, it was what you wanted wasn't it?"

God. If only he knew. If only I'd been able to tell him just how much I'd wanted it and therefore how complicated it all was. But instead I just smiled and nodded my head, "It was lovely El." I leant over and kissed his cheek, "Thank you… for everything…" I took the bracelet from its box and slipped it onto my wrist, "especially this, its beautiful."

He looked at me in a way that melted my heart all over again, "Well you're beautiful too Liv." And then, he got up from the bunk, picked up his other gift bag - a present for his wife no doubt - and with a final "Merry Christmas" he walked out of the door.

And the bracelet was all I had left of him.

Or so I thought.

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	6. Chapter 6 Elliot

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I think Christmas Eve was when I realised just how complicated things were between Liv and I. Her response to my gift was an indicator of how sore she was feeling about the events of the night before, but the fact that I lied to her about said gift, well that said it all. I've never lied to Liv before, about anything.

But the truth was, she'd caught me red handed. It wasn't that I considered the bracelet to be payment for 'services rendered'; I'd never think of Liv in that way, but when I'd woken up that morning I'd just felt I had to do something nice for her, hence the fact that when I'd gone out to pick up Kathleen's hair straighteners I'd called in at the jewellery store and chosen the bracelet for her. Not that I'd been about to admit that to her, hence the lie.

The lie I felt terrible about.

The end result was that Olivia was on my mind all through the Christmas festivities. As Maureen was sneaking glasses of Champagne when she thought we weren't looking, Kathleen was straightening the hair of everything in sight, and Kathy and my mom were bitching at each other, all I could think of was her. I worried constantly, worried that I'd blown our friendship forever.

Back at work, in the few days lull between Christmas and New Year, the evidence seemed to indicate that I'd been right to worry. Liv was quiet, withdrawn. And yeah, we got on with business as usual but things just weren't the same. We did share one or two laughs over the way that Cabot was endlessly trailing around after Huang, which actually, Olivia seemed to find particularly funny but things still felt awkward. Ironically the one thing that I'd have thought would brought us closer together - our sleeping together - seemed to have resulted in there being a huge great divide between us.

We survived those few days though, but things were still bothering me on New Years Eve. We were having people round for a drinks party, all Kathy's friends of course, other mom's from the PTA and their husbands. None of my friends. Largely because I didn't really have friends other than my colleagues and Kathy wouldn't have wanted a party full of cops, not least because a party full of cops would have meant a party with Olivia, and even though she had no idea just how big a threat to our marriage Olivia had become, she still wouldn't have been a welcome guest.

The party was in full swing, probably about 10.30pm when I realised I just wasn't enjoying myself. It part, that was down to the crowd who were making nice over Kathy's signature champagne cocktails and countless bottles of beer. It wasn't my scene, not really, and besides, I wasn't sure I could let the year end without facing up to the Liv dilemma once and for all.

I made my excuses to Kathy, something about heading out to the liquor store for more alcohol. She didn't argue, too busy schmoozing the head of the PTA to realise that we already had cases and cases still to drink.

I don't know why I assumed that Olivia would be home on New Years Eve, and it occurred to me as I neared her apartment that she might be out, or hell, even worse, not home alone, but in any event when I hit the buzzer and she let me in, I was relieved to see that there was no one else in sight.

She looked at me questioningly as she opened the front door, "What are you doing here El?" she asked curiously, "I thought tonight was the big PTA prom at your place?"

I shrugged, "Wanted to see you I guess. Didn't want to end one year and start another with our relationship stuck in Awkwardsville." I forced a smile, "You know Awkwardsville right? Population, 2. Me and you."

If she appreciated the joke, she didn't smile back, instead leading me into the apartment and into the living room which was obviously set up for her planned evening. Her duvet was on the sofa, there was a pile of girlie movies spread out by the TV and a tub of ice cream and a half empty bottle of wine on the coffee table. The whole set up seemed to be particularly un Liv like, and I couldn't help but express my surprise,

"Wow. Very girlie." I picked up one of the DVDs from the floor; Sex and the City: The Movie and looked over at Olivia, just desperate to fill the silence as much as anything, "I thought you'd be more of an action adventure girl."

Wrong thing to say, obviously, given the way she glared at me.

"Yeah, well we're colleagues." She retorted, "Not lovers. You don't have to know everything there is to know about me."

Ludicrous I thought on three levels. One, we had never been just colleagues, which led to me to two, and the fact that arguably, we were lovers, or we had been on Christmas Eve Eve. Then there was the fact that I DID know everything about her. Or at least thought I did. Although clearly my knowledge was lacking given how pissed she seemed to be at me.

I took a deep breath, "We could be lovers. We could do it again, I'd like to. It was good Liv, it was more than good, it was awesome."

I know. I know what you're thinking. I know it was a stupid thing to say, but I just hated how strained things were between us, and if the answer to that was to continue what we started at the Christmas party then I was willing to do it.

Apparently though, that wasn't the answer. Not by a long shot.

"You think more sex is the way to end the awkwardness?" She shook her head, "You think more sex is what I want." She sighed heavily, "Its not. The sex wasn't even my favourite part Elliot. I liked the holding, the closeness, and no amount of sex is going to give me the regular doses I need of those things. So forget it. Forget it. Please."

As I think I said when I referred to that particular moment earlier, at first I took her rant as an indicator that the sex hadn't been up to much, but it was only when I took the time to look deep into her eyes that I realised the truth. The god forsaken, horrible, terrible truth.

"You really like me."

She walked to the coffee table, picked up her glass of wine and drank deeply from it, then just look at me and nodded her head. I groaned inwardly, taking in the implications for the first time. There was a long drawn out silence as I tried to work out what would be the right thing to say. It didn't come, and in the end it was down to Liv to save me.

"You didn't know?"

I shook my head, "No. I knew…" What had I known? I think that was the whole point, I'd never really known anything at all. I'd known that Liv and I were best friends as well as partners, I knew that we used to flirt endlessly, but beyond that… we'd never talked about it. We'd avoided talking about it, even when we'd slept together we'd been so drunk that any worthwhile discussion about what was actually going on between us had got lost amongst the sex and the drink. I shook my head again, "I don't know what I knew Liv. But, I had no idea. I'm sorry."

She sat down on the sofa, pulling her legs up and tucking them underneath herself, biting her bottom lip pensively. "I'm not sure I wanted you to know." Her eyes filled with tears and I wanted to castrate myself for being such a heartless thoughtless bastard, "I never wanted the day to come where you looked at me that way."

I sat down beside her, puzzled by her final words, "What way?"

She lowered her eyes, her cheeks red, clearly embarrassed, "Like you pity me. Like you feel sorry for me. Because you have a wife and kids and I'm just the dumb girl who broke the first law of being a cop and fell in love with my partner."

Although all the hints had been there, her free and easy use of the word 'love' astounded me, and so, in spite of the fact that my first thought should have been comforting her, my first thought was in fact to ask for a drink.

Once she'd poured one and pushed it into my hand, she just sat there, staring down at her hands, picking at her nails, obviously waiting for me to say something. I wasn't sure there was much I could say under the circumstances but her revelations had raised one big question in my mind.

"Alex knows?" I based my assumption on our ADA's recent behaviour, the party planning, the matchmaking. I only assumed that she had somehow found out about Liv's feelings for me long before I had.

And I was right.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded, "I let slip a few weeks back. The party was her way of solving the problem. Crazily enough…"

"Well I never thought she was particularly sane." I replied, but my mind was already off of Alex, on to Olivia, and me and how we were going to get past it all. I took a deep breath, reached for her hand, "Liv, I like you, a lot but there's Kathy to consider - and my kids." It was harsh, I knew that, but I wanted to be honest with her, she didn't deserve anything less.

She laughed slightly, "Elliot, I'm not asking you to leave her. I'm not asking for anything from you except that we just move on from this. It was one night, I can get over it if you can."

I wanted to believe what she was saying, I wanted to believe it could be that easy, but at the back of my mind a little voice was reminding me in a really niggling kind of way that actually we'd been trying to move on for the past week and had failed abysmally and now I knew how she felt, I didn't see how it was going to get any easier.

Luckily, I had Liv on hand to tell me exactly how it was going to work.

"No looks of pity, no enquiring if I'm ok in," she drew quotations marks in the air, 'that way'." she smiled, "You know what I mean by that right?"

I knew what she meant. I could enquire about her health, or professionally, or as a friend, but anything else would be too much. Imply pity. And clearly she was anti that. I nodded, "Ok."

She had more. "There's other stuff too." She added, "Stuff you've done this week." I looked at her questioningly and she explained, "You kept touching my ass. And calling me baby. And you put your hand on my thigh whenever we were alone in the car together. Couple like things."

Her words surprised me, but actually, even as I went to deny it I realised that what she said was correct in what she was saying, and subconsciously I had upped the levels of intimacy between us, which, with the benefit of hindsight must have made things more difficult for her. I smiled at her, "Understood. Loud and clear."

She smiled too then, visibly relaxing, even reaching out to give me a hesitant hug, "Thank you." she murmured, as she wrapped around me, "I just want my Stabler back…"

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And for six weeks, I gave her that. I was her Stabler again, even her Elliot sometimes, and her El once or twice. And she was right, we could move on. We did. Things have been real good, and although every now again I've spotted a flicker of pain in her eyes, I've managed to rein myself in and not question it and its quickly gone away again.

I really thought we COULD move on.

Until today. The phone call from Alex. A phone call so brief, and yet, a phone call that changed everything. She'd barely even finished talking when I let the receiver fall from my hand and go plummeting to the floor as I dashed out of the squad room to my car, took the hellish drive and eventually arrived at the hospital.

I ran through the emergency room, barking at any one I saw in uniform, just desperate to get to her, to find her.

And when I did, and yanked back to the curtain to her cubicle, the sight that greeted me was too much. I couldn't take it in, didn't know how to cope with it or what to say to her.

And so I walked away.

So here I am, sat in my car in a parking lot, wrestling with my conscience, too much of a coward to go and be with my best friend when she really needs me.

Trust me. Christmas parties? They're more trouble than they're worth…

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	7. Chapter 7 Olivia

**Authors Note - Yoo Hoo! I'm back! With answers! (although several of you have already worked out where this is going) A word of warning, there's one really really jarring moment in this one where a character who has spent this whole fic being out of character pushes the limits just a little bit further (yes Ms Cabot, I mean you). I am aware that my depiction of her is blee in this fic but I think she's kind of fun this way! As ever if you could R&R please I'd love you forever!**

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I thought things had come to a head on New Years Eve, when my angry confrontation with Elliot had led to a truce, a return to how things are meant to be for the two of us.

In actual fact, the real crunch point came six weeks later.

It wasn't a day that started well. For reasons too mundane to go into, considering the level of drama we're dealing with here, Alex, Huang and myself were headed out to Rikers to talk to a perp on remand. Legal, psychological, criminal type reasons. That's all you need to know. Alex was driving and picked me up last, meaning I got left with the back seat of the car. No chances of that being an accident since our resident psychologist still hadn't got round to breaking it to our resident man eating ADA that the man eating concept was one that he was also familiar with.

So there I am, in the back seat of the car which makes me want to vomit at the best of times, feeling increasingly nauseous, listening to Alex trying to verbally browbeat Huang in taking her out on a date. He kept ducking and diving his way out of it, and in the end, as I felt the bile rising up my throat, I hollered at Alex to stop the car and as I bolted out of it to throw up on the side of the road I offered them a parting shot that I hoped would shut her up.

"Alex. George is gay."

I should have known however, that Alex would not give up her idea of domestic bliss easily and as I was throwing up my morning Danish, she came up behind me, clearly deciding my revelation was more important than my dignity.

"Olivia, that's so childish. I know he can be a bit shrinky but is 'gay' the best insult you can manage?"

I threw up one last time, feeling like I might pass out at any minute and then turned to face her, "Alex, he's actually gay. As in sleeps with other men gay. So please, shut the hell up?"

There was silence, and then, if Alex had been a cartoon character a light bulb would have appeared over her head as the truth finally sunk in. She laughed slightly, looking amused, "Oh, that explains that then. I wondered why he was playing so hard to get."

I'd have been laughing myself were it not for the fact that at that moment another wave of nausea hit and I found myself throwing up yet again, and much to my distress, when I eventually composed myself, I found Alex still standing there, a second light bulb apparently having joined the first. I groaned inwardly, hoping and praying that she wasn't thinking what I thought she was thinking, but unfortunately for me, she was.

"And the fact you're being sick at 8.30am, can that also be explained? Can that be explained by a certain red dress and the hickeys you had on your neck the morning after the night before?"

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a tissue, wiped around my mouth, being careful to avoid her curious gaze. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She snorted, stepping closer to me, and swiftly and stealthily sweeping in to squeeze my left breast through my jacket, causing me to wince in pain, yelping as I did so. She raised her eyes, shaking her head knowingly,

"Morning sickness? Sensitive breasts? I think a jury would return a unanimous verdict on this one wouldn't they Detective Benson?"

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I'd realised I was pregnant a couple of weeks previously, but I guess I'd been ignoring it, just hoping it might go away. At that moment though, with vomit splattered around my feet and Alex in full on prosecuting attorney mode, I had to face the truth.

I knew it was my own fault. I'd stayed at work too late on Christmas Eve to get to the drug store before it closed and so the prescription Huang had written for me had just stayed in my jacket pocket until it hadn't been worth going to get it at all. I'd done a lot of hoping, a lot of praying, but apparently it hadn't worked.

I was having Elliot's child.

It was a huge realisation to come to, particularly at 8.30 in the morning, in a lay by, with hormones raging. I looked at Alex, and without warning I felt my eyes fill with tears.

She reached out and gave me a hug, being careful not to get sick on her Christian Laboutin shoes. "It'll be ok." she said softly, "We'll go out tonight. You, me, you on mocktails, me on cocktails, big debates and big decisions ok?"

"Are you sure?" I was grateful for the suggestion, I don't think I'd ever needed a friend like I did in that moment.

She nodded, "Sure, it's the least I can do. I'm the one who got you into this mess." she glanced back towards the car, from in which Huang was eyeing us suspiciously, then back at me, "Is he really gay?"

My turn to nod, feeling slightly guilty for breaking it to her so insensitively especially considering how nice she was being to me. "Sorry Alex."

She shrugged, pretending it was no big deal although I knew that to her it probably was. To her credit though, she didn't let it show, instead giving me a wry smile. "Tell you what Olivia," she said, still smiling, "lets bin the Christmas party next year. I'm starting to think it was a dumb idea."

We headed back to the car and went on our way, arriving at Rikers soon afterward. But while the rest of the journey went without incident, the same could not be said of our encounter with the perp.

Huang and I saw him together, in an interview room, while Alex watched from behind two way glass. While we were waiting for the prison guards to fetch him I glanced at Huang, feeling pretty guilty once again, this time at having betrayed his confidence. I smiled at him weakly, "Sorry."

To my surprise though, he grinned, "You did me a favour. It saved me doing it. She ok?"

I didn't get chance to respond before the perp was brought into the room, and Huang launched straight into super psych mode. He's pretty good, but sometimes too good really, like in this case. He got the perp completely nailed from the word go and he got pretty riled up as a result. Pretty riled up, pretty fucking quickly. So quickly, that when he lost it, the guard didn't stand a chance of stopping him. He'd pushed the table that separated us and him, into Huang and I quickly and furiously before any of us realised what was happening. Huang reacted quicker than I did and managed to get to his feet but not me… I was already feeling sluggish from all the vomiting so when the table came my way I just sat there, took its full force right in my stomach. I shrieked as my chair upended and I fell to the floor hitting my back as I did so. The perp launched forward all set to assault me, although his guard managed to stop him. Not that it mattered, the damage had already been done.

I lay on the floor, pain searing through my abdomen, back and legs. Huang came to help me up but Alex was at my side in seconds, barging him out of the way.

"Don't get up." She said gently, she placed her hands on my stomach and looked at me questioningly, "Are you in any pain?"

I started to cry instantly. Not my usual style I admit, but there were hormones involved. Hormones and the crashing realisation that I might lose the baby I hadn't known until that moment that I wanted desperately. As Alex slowly helped me sit up, I heard a groan from beside me and when I looked for its source I found Huang shaking his head disapprovingly, clearly having put the pieces together.

"You didn't take the pills. You were that desperate to have a mini Elliot that you didn't take the pills. Interesting move Olivia."

I opened my mouth to protest, to deny his claims, but I didn't get chance before Alex cut in,

"Its not the time Big Gay George. Stop shrinking her and call 911." She looked from him to me, "There's a little tiny life at stake."

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The ambulance ride was hell. You know when people talk about near death experiences, when they find themselves reliving significant moments from their lives just before they die. This was like that. Only worse. I kept seeing moments from my baby's life, his birth, his first birthday party, first day at school, his teenage years, graduation, wedding day, you name it, I saw it.

I was so convinced he was dying. That the pervert had killed him.

Luckily, I had Alex with me, holding my hand, taking care of me. Apart from a brief moment outside the prison where she stepped aside to let the paramedics take care of me, she never left my side. During the journey, as I was rushed on a trolley into the ER, as the doctor did an ultrasound scan. A scan that showed my baby hadn't gone. He'd survived.

It should have been the happiest moment of my life. The baby that I now knew I wanted to keep, was alive. He was little more than a kidney bean on the monitor but he was alive. And he was a he. My son. I didn't get that from the screen, that was mothers intuition.

My son was alive. I should have been on top of the world. And for about 15 seconds I was.

And then Elliot came charging into the cubicle and the world stopped as his gaze fell on the ultrasound wand being moved over my stomach and then moved to my precious little kidney bean on the screen. And then…

He walked away. And my world came crashing down.

Alex was 'on it' instantly, throwing her arms around me, telling me it was ok.

It wasn't ok. It was a long way from ok.

I glared at her, "What the hell is he doing here?"

She sighed, her guilt written all over her face to such an extent that what came next was unnecessary, "I panicked. It was his baby, I thought you were having a miscarriage. I thought he should be here."

I looked at the empty space on the floor of my cubicle that Elliot's departure had left behind.

"Well, you know what Alex, Elliot obviously thought otherwise."

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	8. Chapter 8 Elliot

**Authors Notes - This actually started out as my fun fluffy fic, but somewhere along the way it seems to have got lost to an extent where I bawled my eyes out writing this penultimate chapter. **

**Final chapter coming soon! :D Thanks for all the feedback! Keep it coming please please please!**

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I was still sat in my car, in the parking lot, when the whirlwind that is Alex Cabot hit me, full force, tarring me with a bastard brush and making me feel even worse, which quite frankly was something I didn't think was possible.

She yanked open my passenger door, climbed into the seat next to mine and then looked at me like she could quite happily throttle me. "You handled that well."

To be honest, I thought she had something of a cheek. Granted, I'd handled the sight of my partner - work partner - lying on a gurney with an ultrasound waving over her stomach pretty terribly but then Alex hadn't done so great herself. If she was going to ring me and tell me that Olivia was injured and had been taken to the ER the least she could have done was pay me the common courtesy of warning me that she happened to be pregnant with my child.

My child. Olivia was pregnant with MY child. It was insane And yet…

I'd known full well we hadn't used birth control. I'd just about been sober enough to remember where to put it, let alone remember to cover it. But I'd just assumed Olivia would have dealt with it, been on the pill or something.

Apparently not.

"Huang prescribed the morning after pill." Alex explained as I questioned it, "But she worked late on Christmas Eve and didn't get to the drug store."

It seemed like a weak excuse to me, but then again I didn't see Liv as the type to purposefully get pregnant to trap a man, and I suppose it had been Christmas, with all its associated odd shop opening hours.

Shop opening hours. My partner is having my baby and I'm obsessing about that. Not the connotations for my marriage, my career or my long term friendship with Olivia but whether or not Walgreens would have logically been open when she finished work on Christmas Eve.

Displacement. A definite case of displacement.

I glanced at Alex, "How is it? The baby?"

She smiled slightly, clearly warming towards me, so it had obviously been the right question to ask. "He is fine."

"He?" I asked questioningly, knowing it was too early for them to possibly know that. Again, she smiled, "Olivia's convinced. Mothers intuition apparently."

That brought back some memories. I remember Kathy announcing something similar when she was pregnant with Maureen, and then again with Kathleen. I'd ignored her the first time and gone out and bought monster trucks and softball mitts anyway, but after she'd got it right on the money I paid more attention the second time.

I stopped in my tracks, the thoughts jarring in my brain as I realised just how inappropriate they were. I shouldn't be thinking about Kathy, or the kids I'd had with her. It was Olivia who needed me at that second.

And yet I still couldn't do it. Couldn't get out of the car and move my ass back into the hospital. There was a big conversation to be had, a huge one, and I just wasn't ready to have it. Instead, I procrastinated, asking Alex all the questions I should have been asking Liv.

I thought she'd tell me where to go, but she didn't, instead telling me what I needed to know.

"She's suspected for a couple of weeks, more than suspected really I think, but had just been hoping the problem would go away. But," she added, slightly more hesitantly, "I think today has changed a lot Elliot. She wants to keep the baby."

Now that didn't surprise me, not really. Liv is one of the most maternal woman I've ever met. Any chance of being a mommy? Of course she was going to take it. Even if it was born of a drunken fumble at a Christmas Party. Even if she had to go it alone.

I was still contemplating that when Alex, having told me what I wanted to know, changed her tack. Went from 'good ADA' to 'bad ADA' within the blink of an eye.

"You want to stop feeling sorry for yourself now and get back in there? She needs you."

"I'm married." Even as the words left my lips, I regretted them. Knew Alex would seize on them, and she did.

"You were married when you slept with her. It didn't stop you then."

I couldn't help thinking that actually she was being just the tiniest bit hypocritical. She was the one who had pushed Olivia into my arms with all her crazy schemes and now she was getting pissy with me about it. "What happened to 'what goes down at the Christmas party stays at the Christmas party'?" I said accusingly, but she just shrugged,

"You revoked the right to privacy when you got her pregnant." She glared at me, and then unleashed the ultimate in guilt trip on me, "She's crying in there you know." She nodded in the direction of the hospital buildings, "She's scared Elliot, she's scared and hormonal and in pain. She needs you, and since when are you NOT there for your partner when she needs you? Isn't it like the first law of being a cop?"

I groaned inwardly. She had a point. A good point.

I had to face up to my responsibilities.

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Liv was where I left her, curled up on the gurney, but contrary to what Alex had told me, she was no longer crying. Her cheeks were wet with tears and her eyes were red and blotchy but she wasn't crying any more. Instead, she was gently touching her stomach with one hand and smiling. Smiling weakly, but smiling all the same.

I stepped into the room, clearing my throat nervously, not sure what kind of reception I was going to get. I think I was expecting another roasting, but it didn't come, instead she looked up and actually smiled at me.

"I'm sorry." She said, sounding guilty of all things, "I didn't mean for you to find out that way. I didn't know Alex had called you."

I moved to her side, sitting down beside her. "Its ok." I replied hesitantly, still concerned I might say the wrong thing, "I'm sorry I walked out." And I was sorry, the last thing I'd ever wanted to do was hurt her. "It was just a shock you know. Seeing," I gestured to the monitor beside her bed, "that and suddenly being hit with it. I didn't know what to do. What to say." I still didn't, and I knew that much was clear in the way I was flailing.

If Liv noticed though she didn't say so, instead just returning to staring down at her stomach again.

"Is the baby ok?" I asked her, because although I already knew the answer from Alex, I felt Olivia needed to know that I cared.

I was right about that. The proof being the way she gave me a surprised smile as she answered. "Yeah. He's good."

"And you?" I added, nodding at the IV in her hand. Again she smiled, "I'll live. Its just some pain relief. I pulled something in my back when I fell."

I surprised myself with what came next. I don't know if it was seeing her there, looking so vulnerable, or the way she was holding her stomach, reminding me that my baby was inside, but suddenly I found myself feeling protective. Of her. And of my child.

"What were you thinking Liv?" I reached out, took one of her hands in mine, "Going and messing around with crazy perps when you should have been being careful. He could have really hurt you. He could have hurt our son." I was gentle with her, wanting her to know how concerned I was for the two of them, but as she started to cry again I realised I'd gone too far.

"How can he ever be our son?" I felt like I was being kicked in the gut as a tear rolled down her cheek, "You've got a family. You don't need us."

Her words cut me deep. And why? Because they were true and I knew it. And even worse, she knew. She was my best friend and I adored her, but the baby? It was a complication I didn't need. That said I wasn't about to describe our child in that way to her.

"I'm not just going to leave you to cope with this on your own." I told her, and I meant it. "Financially, emotional support, whatever you need."

She shook her head and when she spoke again, I felt like my heart was breaking,

"Elliot, I can't compromise you in that way. My mom left me money, I'll be fine. I'll take care of myself. Of both of us." Her eyes clouded over, as she bit her lip, clearly close to tears, "I'm going to move upstate. Get out of the game. I don't want to raise a child in this job. This city."

I couldn't believe what she was saying, the way she seemed to have it all planned out. Two hours earlier, as Alex told it, she hadn't even admitted to herself that she was pregnant and now she was all set to walk out of my life taking my child with her. Yeah, sure, she was making it 'easy' for me but at the same time…

It was my child.

And she was my best friend.

I gently stroked her hand with my fingers, once again knowing that I had to choose my words carefully. "I know why you're doing this." I began, slowly, cautiously, "But Liv, please, think it through. Don't go running off on my account. That's the last thing I want."

There was a long silence. A - no pun intended - expectant silence, where I presumed Olivia was thinking through her options, but soon discovered that actually she was just trying to find the right way to break it to me.

"Its what I want. I've spent too long pining for you, day in and day out. Spent too many nights laying in bed alone wishing that I was Kathy. Its unbearable, being this close to you, working so close to you and knowing I'll never have you. This way, I can start again. But," she released her hand from mine and returned it to her stomach, wrapping her arm protectively around it, "I'm taking a piece of you with me." She blushed slightly, "Huang has twice accused me of wanting this to happen; of getting pregnant deliberately and I've denied it. But, actually El, although I didn't do it intentionally, I'm glad it happened, because its going to be next best thing to actually having you…"

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	9. Chapter 9 Elliot AND Olivia

**Authors Notes - Did I say this was going to be the final chapter? I lied. Whoops. Next one will be though. I think. Sorry, El, Liv and the gang stole the story and ran away with it!**

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It's amazing how quickly time moves on. One minute it was February and I was sat at Olivia's side in the ER and the next it was Christmas party season all over again, a fact I'd greeted with my usual level of scrooge like behaviour, and then some, given the way things had panned out for me the year before.

One person who was full of the Christmas spirit once more, perhaps a little surprisingly, was Alex, which was why, come Christmas Eve I found myself - yeah, you guessed it - making paper chains all over again.

And let me tell you, never has making paper chains hurt quite so much. As I sat at my desk, cutting and sticking, I stared continually at the newest addition to the framed photos on my desk, and tried to avoid making small talk with my latest partner whose name I hadn't bothered to remember because I suspected he wouldn't be around long enough for me to need to. None of the others had; he was the 4th in 9 months. Clearly I'm just not that much fun to work with.

Alex must have noticed that I was quiet because eventually she stepped away from the happy fluffy little corner where she and Huang were making snowflakes and came to my side.

"You ok Elliot?"

I nodded, but I could tell from the way that she followed my gaze to the framed photo of little Lottie that she knew otherwise.

Yeah, Lottie. Apparently Liv's mothers intuition wasn't as accurate as Kathy's had been, and when she'd emailed me 3 months earlier to tell me that she'd given birth it was to a daughter, not a son; baby Lottie, not baby Elliot as she'd planned.

Alex put her hand on my shoulder, opened her mouth as if to make sympathetic and nice but I couldn't face it, not at that moment. So instead I changed the subject,

"How come we're having a party anyway. I thought you'd have gone off the idea after last year, what with George batting for the other side and all that?"

She smiled, "Christmas is Christmas Elliot, and besides, that didn't work out so bad." she looked over at Huang fondly, "I've got someone to go shopping with and talk to about boys, that's not to be sneezed at, after all best friends are hard to find."

There was an awkward moment as she realised exactly what she'd said, both of us being acutely aware that although she'd gained a best friend in the last 12 months, I'd lost mine. She mumbled an apology but I shook it away. I didn't want her sympathy.

She did however give me a get out clause from the paper chains, asking me to go and fetch the pizzas instead, a get out that I took gratefully.

Without Olivia all the Christmas party preparations were just too much to bear.

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Christmas Eve wasn't panning out well for me. Lottie didn't handle the drive from our home to NYC well, wailing mid journey to be fed, and then, once I'd fed her, throwing up down her the Little Miss Claus dress she was wearing. Between feed stops and change stops the journey took twice as long as it should have done. Then, when we actually got into the city, I remembered just how much I hated driving there, even more so with the benefit of having not done so for 9 months. And finally, the icing on the cake, when I arrived at Alex's apartment, Alex had taken it upon herself to go AWOL.

Marvellous.

I yanked my cell phone from my pocket and dialled hers. I'd intended to spare her some Christmas spirit but by the time she eventually answered my patience had run out and I couldn't help being pissy with her.

"Where the hell are you?"

"Olivia, I'm sorry. The unit called me in and I got caught up here. Any chance you could make it down to the precinct. Then you can grab the key, then head back and settle yourself in."

I suppose I ought to have been suspicious and questioned Alex's motives there and then but she seemed genuine enough, and plus, a little voice inside my head reminded me that Elliot wouldn't be there anyway, not on Christmas Eve. We'd always let him have that off because he had a family and the rest of us didn't. Besides which, I didn't see as I had much choice, since Lottie would be due another feed before too long and I didn't fancy doing it in the street outside Alex's apartment.

I hung up, getting back in the car and heading for the precinct, wondering what it would be like to go back there. Being back in New York was strange enough, let alone being there, in the squad room, the scene of so many good days and bad days over the years. Not to mention the fact it was the place where Lottie was conceived.

I glanced down at my daughter who was sat in her car seat beside me, now dressed in a candy cane romper suit, sleeping soundly, and I couldn't help but smile. She looked so much like her daddy when she was sleeping, and always put me in mind of the nights El and I had spent together in the crib, when he'd inevitably crash out and I'd lay awake watching him sleep, and longing for the day that I'd be able to do so away from the crib, in our bed, in our home. Not that it was ever going to happen, but a girl could dream.

Suddenly I realised that the road ahead of me had blurred and when I brought my hand up to my eyes I found that my eyes were full of tears and that all the reservations I'd had about coming back had been justified. I'd really not wanted to do it, but Alex had done some pretty fast talking, convincing me that Lottie and I should spend my daughter's first Christmas with she and her - apparent - new best friend, Huang. And now, with Elliot back in my head, not that he'd ever left my heart, I was regretting it. Seriously so.

My sense of regret grew the closer I got to the precinct and as I paused at the door to the squad room, babe in arms, and found Alex and the gang merrily decorating it Christmas party style, it near as damn it overwhelmed me altogether.

I marched up to Alex, who was wobbling around on a chair putting up paper chains and without giving her chance to register my presence immediately lost my temper with her.

"What the hell are you playing at? Did last year teach you nothing? Like not to meddle in my life?"

To my utter annoyance she barely turned her hair, instead getting down from the chair and giving me a hug, "Don't be so ridiculous Olivia." she chirped, taking Lottie from me, "Had I not meddled last year, I wouldn't have a gorgeous goddaughter and you wouldn't be a mom. So don't start."

Before I could comment, I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around my shoulders as I was engulfed in hug from behind. For one minute my breath was taken away as I thought, maybe even hoped, that they belonged to Elliot, but I quickly realised that they had too much bulk, too much leather and that the person behind me was lacking in his signature aftershave. I turned, and in spite of how pissed I was with Alex, I couldn't help smiling at the man in front of me.

"Tutuola!"

Fin hugged me again, a bear hug this time, as he told me, "I've missed your snippy little ass Benson. How you doing?"

"I WAS doing fine." I told him pointedly, as I looked round the room at the paper chains and the snowflakes, the mistletoe and the outers of beer. "Until I realised my good friend here seems to be pulling one of her famous stunts." I turned my attention back to Alex, glaring at her, "What are you doing Ms Cabot?"

"God. You've come back more paranoid than me." Munch said as he appeared in the door to Cragen's office, coming into the room with Cragen in tow. "Good to see you Liv." More hugs, more fuss, and lots of cooing over Lottie, who somehow had made it into Huang's arms, ensued. Not that that got my question answered.

I dragged Alex off to one side, looking at her questioningly, "Well?" I really couldn't believe she was doing this to me, forcing me into a situation which so conjured up the pain and heartache of the year before. "You know," I added softly, "how I feel about seeing Elliot. I mean, that's what all this is about right?" To my horror I found myself close to tears again, "He's going to walk through this door at any minute and I just don't want it. He knows that. That's why he's never been up to visit us." My own words prompted another realisation in my head, as it occurred to me that there was no way Elliot ever could have been part of Alex's charade. "He doesn't know I'm coming I presume?"

Alex, who to her credit was looking guilty, sighed, "He didn't." She said softly, then looking away. I followed her gaze to the doorway, where Elliot was stood, his arms piled high with pizza boxes and his eyes fixed firmly on me, his expression unreadable. I turned back to Alex all ready to give her a mouthful but she beat me to it with an apologetic shrug. "I guess he does now."

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Don't ask me how I didn't drop the pizzas. It came close. Just seeing her there, back in the squad room, where she belonged, it felt so right, made me regret the fact I'd let her go in the first place, but it was still one hell of a shock. As far as I'd been concerned, she was out of my life, save for occasional photographs of my daughter and the cards and gifts I sent the other way. I hadn't liked it, not in the slightest, but it was what she wanted. What she needed to stop hurting, and who was I to deny her that?

But now she was back. I handed the pizzas to Fin, who appeared at my side as if choreographed to be there - and in hindsight, and knowing Alex, he probably was, and then walked over to the girls. To Alex who was smiling at me, and Olivia who looked as shocked as I felt.

I took her in my arms without asking if I could. I couldn't help it. After so long without her, I just wanted to hold her and never let go. She hugged me back, but said nothing and when I looked down I found that she was crying. In the end, it was left to Alex to break the silence.

"Just to fill you in Elliot. This is as bigger shock to Liv as it is to you. And actually, I haven't finished with her yet." She looked at me pointedly, and it didn't take much to guess what she still had to do. What she had in mind. Not that I liked it,

"Alex." I said warningly, shaking my head furiously, "I told you not to tell her."

She shrugged, "And I didn't. But then I had endless calls from her where I got the impression she was missing you chronically, and I spent too many hours watching you mope around the squad room and I decided something had to give." She signalled to Huang who came over to us and my heart skipped a beat as I saw what was in his arms. Who was in him arms. My little girl, the one who, up to now, had only ever been an image in a photograph to me.

"This is your little girl Elliot." Alex said firmly, "Your little girl who needs a daddy. And this is her mommy." She added, indicating Olivia who was still in my arms looking completely bewildered, "Who needs you too. I'm sick of hearing how 'great' you're doing without each other, because its blatantly not true."

I knew she was right, although I was unconvinced what Liv's take on the whole thing would be. Just as I was pondering that the lady in question eventually found her voice.

"I don't understand what's changed." she said softly, "Of course I need him. I always needed him. But I can't. Because he has Kathy."

Alex looked across at me, challenging me with her eyes, a definite 'either you tell her or I do'. I took a deep breath, released Olivia from my arms and then slowly, deliberately held up my hand for her inspection, wiggling my naked wedding ring finger as I did so.

"No." I said softly, "I don't. Not anymore."

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	10. Chapter 10 Olivia Elliot Olivia Elliot

It was the bombshell that I'd never have expected. It was incredible. Kathy and Elliot separating was a dream I'd harboured for so long, and yet I'd never thought in a million years that it would actually happen.

All the same, although my heart was completely swept away by the news, my head was shouting louder. Pointing out to me - brutally I thought - that Elliot might have been single again, he might have been back on the market, but in spite of that fact he'd never picked up the phone and called. Never driven to find his daughter and I and made us a family. No. It had taken Alex, of all people, and her crazy plotting for me to discover this latest turn on events, so why would I think that it changed anything? Why would I think he'd want to be with me?

Before I had chance to ask that question however Huang was placing Lottie back in my arms and Alex was chivvying both Elliot and I towards the Captain's office. I looked at her questioningly and she smiled,

"You need to talk, and we wanted you to be able to do it in style…"

I was momentarily confused but as I stepped into the office, I saw exactly what she meant. The room had been decked out with candles and fairy lights, and by the Captain's couch was a small table holding an ice bucket, champagne, flutes and strawberries. I groaned, finding Alex's endless cheek unbelievable.

"She's too much!"

"She may well be." I felt Elliot's arms wrap around my waist as he came up behind me, resting his head on my shoulder, "But she's gone to so much trouble. We shouldn't let it go to waste."

I turned to him, unable to resist smiling, "You said that to me this time last year, about the Chris de Burgh song… and look how that ended up…"

"It ended up," he said softly, looking down at the baby in my arms, "with us becoming parents to this gorgeous little girl. So I'd say Alex's track record is pretty damn good."

For all I was sceptical myself, not about my little girl but about Elliot and I and where were stood, I couldn't miss the love in his eyes as he looked at Lottie, and so I walked over to Cragen's couch, sitting down and then smiling up at him said, "You want to come and hold your baby while I pour the champagne."

He nodded eagerly, sitting down beside me, so I could hand Lottie to him. Once I'd done so, I picked up the champagne bottle, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the two of them. It looked so right for him to be there, holding her.

It was what had been missing from our lives all along. Mine and Lottie's. We'd been missing Elliot.

That particular thought was enough to cause tears to well up in my eyes, and, as I poured the champagne I realised I had tears trickling down my cheeks. Elliot must have noticed too because he reached out and squeezed my leg supportively.

"You're crying." He said gently.

I looked at him, the tears still snaking down my cheeks, "You're divorced." It seemed like the only thing I could say.

That said, he was quick to correct me, shaking his head slightly, "I will be. Soon. Its all going through right now." He slid closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "I owe you an explanation. Let me tell you all about it."

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

She looked at me expectantly, clutching her champagne flute in her hands. Knowing Liv like I did, I knew exactly what she was thinking. She wanted to know why, if I was single, I'd not bothered to track her down. And, well, I suppose it was a valid question, but I'd had my reasons.

"March was Hell." I began, remembering the first month I'd had without her. "I moped. Bickered with Kath. Made her life hell. Made everyone's life hell in fact. Ask the guys, Alex, the four partners I've been through since you left."

"You missed me?" She asked, hesitantly, tentatively, like she was scared that I'd say no. Like that would ever happen.

I nodded, "Missed you like I'd miss a shot off body part. April and May were pretty shitty too. Kathy had started being a bitch back by that point. So that was fun."

I thought back, trying to remember exactly what came next, "June - July - August were better. I was resigned to you being gone. Realised I had to try and move on."

She looked at me pensively, "I hated June, July and August. That was when it finally hit me that you were gone and I didn't much like it. I didn't like moving on."

I cuddled her closer, "It didn't do much for me either really, but I pretended it did. Mind you, September." I let out a low whistle, "September was really horrific." I looked down at the baby in my arms, "I hated not being there when you were giving birth to her."

She smiled at that, "I doubt you'd be saying that if you had been there." She laughed slightly, "The air was blue."

I could believe it. Kathy had been vocal enough when she gave birth to our kids, but I could imagine Olivia being even more so. But actually, that made me sad I'd missed it all the more. I would have liked to have been there for her, and I told her so.

She sipped her champagne, and laughed the laugh I'd missed so much, "No. Really. I broke the nurses hand."

I laughed too then, "Really."

"Well, I bruised it. A lot." she demurred as she reached out for my hand then, squeezing it although luckily not to breaking point, "But seriously, I wish you'd been there too. It would have been nice." She looked at me hesitantly, "But that was September, and this is only December, so you wanna tell me what's happened in the past three months."

I took a deep breath, knowing that she probably wouldn't like what was going to come next.

"Kathy found the picture you sent of Lottie. Put two and two together. She threw me out."

"When?" She was trying to keep her tone light, but I could tell from the way that her body had stiffened at my words that something had changed. That she was reacting just as I'd feared she would.

"The week after Lottie was born." I replied, "She knew I was off kilter. She knew something was wrong. She went through my stuff."

She put her champagne glass down on the table with such a resounding thunk that I was amazed that it didn't shatter and without another word as good as wrestled my baby from my arms, getting to her feet again, a grey cloud suddenly appearing over her head as she made to leave.

Made to walk away from me. Again.

I couldn't let it happen. I just couldn't.

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

I felt like my heart was breaking. Even though I'd had my doubts when I'd first heard about his divorce, I'd hoped, seriously hoped, that I was wrong. That he was divorcing HER because he wanted me. Finding out that it had been her not him who had ended the marriage was just unbearable. So unbearable I could hardly breathe.

I had to get out of there. Get away from him, and all the lost hopes and dreams. Plus find Alex and put an axe through her head.

But before I could, I felt a hand on my arm,

"Liv…" he pulled me to him and back into his arms, although as soon as I felt his touch I started to struggle and didn't stop until he spoke again, "the day she threw me out, I'd resigned. I'd told Cragen I was leaving. I was going to go home, tell her, and come and find you."

I wanted to believe him, it sounded like too insane a story for him to have made it up, but I'd been disappointed too many times in the past, besides which,

"You didn't come and find me though did you?"

He sighed, "Liv, I knew that if you found out Kathy had thrown me out, you'd be like this. Think I only wanted you on some crazy rebound. You'd never have believed that I was intending on going anyway." He looked at me, and although I didn't want to see it, I couldn't miss it. He looked like his heart was breaking too. "Please Liv." he leaned in, brushed his lips against mine, "Believe me."

I felt a lump rising in my throat. I wanted to, so much. Certainly the pieces were falling into place, and everything he said made sense.

"Prove it to me." I whispered.

He groaned, "How can I prove it? How can I prove I would have left her?"

"Would this help?" The question came from the door, where Cragen was stood, a piece of paper in his hand. He moved to my side and held it up in front of me, seeing that holding Lottie left me with no free hands to take it from him. I scanned the words typed on it and then looked at Elliot, "This is a resignation letter… dated a week after Lottie was born."

He smiled at me, "I know, I wrote it." He turned to Cragen, "I thought I told you to tear it up."

Cragen shrugged, "I thought you might need it some day. Of course," he added, "what this letter doesn't spell out, is why he was leaving, but as you can imagine Olivia, I didn't accept it without a fight."

I could see that. I remembered all too well the way he'd tried to make me stay with the department when I'd resigned 10 months previously, and could only imagine that he'd do the same for Elliot, I know he'd always valued us, as individuals as well as a team. "How did he convince you?" I asked curiously.

Cragen smiled, "By telling me he was leaving to be with the woman he loved."

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

So that was how the Captain saved the day, and helped me win over the mother of my child. Seconds later, we were reunited under some conveniently placed mistletoe (clearly a joint effort by Huang and Alex given the way they high fived as we kissed) and then headed back out to join the department Christmas Party, which ended up being something of a double celebration.

Even more so when I proposed to Olivia an hour later.

And therefore, while I still think the Christmas Party season can be at times dubious at best, these days I've still got a pretty soft spot for it too.

It gave me my wife and my daughter. How could I think otherwise?

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU **

**Finit! Sorry for the delay with this last chapter - I think I was just a bit reluctant to let it go! Hope it was worth waiting for!**


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